my rose

my grandmother
nettie josephine
was her name
she lost her father
he burned to his death
when she was five

spent most of her childhood
in orphanages
raped
beaten
broken
what followed was
paralyzing depression
love found
four daughters

i remember,
long road trips to see her
are we there yet dad?
i remember,
mom would find
brownies and candy hidden
i remember,
her belly would jiggle
as she laughed (aw hell!)

and then
the darkness returned
or was it always there?
electric shock treatments
many pills
love lost
to cancer of the colon
more pills
diabetes
and death too soon

i did not cry on that day
for i took the same pills as she
until now,
many years later
i cry
i miss her
i want her to know
i understand